Happy or content?

The beach

The time after you write and send a teally long text, filled with emo, wants, needs, etc, is agonizing. You think you know what the response will be. You imagine the different scenarios, how you will react. Then the thought crosses your mind, what if they read it and decide to say nothing, to go radio silent?

I hate the beach, now. I used to love it, the sounds of the waves licking the edge of the shore. I love how the water and sky meet, creating a tranquil peace that captures each person individually. The beach represents all the unexpected get aways that Ares takes. The neighbors have a house so of course he will go.

I asked about NYE plans, not even thinking. We will talk about it tomorrow. Then it came rushing back, this is a beach night. Why dodnt you tell me? I figured you knew I’d be busy. Of course but not a reason to not mention.

I didnt mention but this year, my birthday was not what i thought it would be. It fell on a Friday. Everyone wants a weekend bday. I spent it alone, cried while i was getting a facial, and was in bed by 615pm. Why? He forgot to mention that the neighbors were having couples weekend at the beach, they bought tickets to a show. Once he realized which weekend it was, he felt trapped. It still hurts me, which is why i didn’t share. I read the words I’m typing and cannot believe i continue with this sorta relationship. I have never been the person that was the pursuer but here i am on a sunday morning, hoping he reads my novel of a text, sees the error of his ways, and tells me its me thst he loves. Ugh.

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