Happy or content?

Do not be a lemming

I am in love with Ares.  I think it is clear to anyone that talks to me, watches us together, looks in my face. I know that I had the surgeon in the past but he cannot compare to what Ares does for me.  Take the sex part out, even though it is super important and wonderfully fantastic.  Ok, so take that out.  He is kind and generous and worries about me and checks in and knows when I get that far away look that my brain is going a mile a minute and he wants to make sure I am ok.

He told me I am his person.  I love that.  He is not that way, or was not in the past.  It is not easy for him to say feelings stuff.  He is not that type of person.  I remember way back in the beginning that I hugged him while sitting on his lap and didn’t get much in return.  I didn’t think too much about it but he mentioned it a few days later, telling me he isn’t big on feelings, never had been.  So this week, I get the person comment, as well as the following, “You set yourself apart from the crowd in many ways.  Now that we are intimate, so intimate, it takes it to another level.  In a lot of ways.”  I said today while working out together that he should not do something (it is silly and not worth going into detail).  He said he wants to because it will make him look younger (he is incredibly attractive, easily could pass for 10 years younger than he actually is).  I said if you love me, you won’t do it.  He said, that’s not fair.  I consistently insist that I need the words, not because I doubt him but that is my concrete.  I hate seeming needy.  We have recently gotten into the habit of good morning and goodnight. Can you guess how I feel about this gesture?

I said this week…

“The reason I like goodnight is its a reminder that you think of me.  It sounds silly when I say it out loud but I just need it sometimes.  I don’t want to be pushy tho.  I hate asking for it, it makes me feel needy”

Ares, ” You’re not, I get it.  I do.”

He and I have had these deep convos lately, which is good and bad.  He loves me, without question.  I will never ask why he stays in his current situation again.  As an FYI, I think it everyday.  There is fear and I get it.  It took me over three years to leave the situation I was in and I’m still not divorced.  It is scary , and complicated, and then you have the issue of children, it adds an entirely different level.  It came down to me wanting more than what was being offered.  He is scared, wants to be there for his children, and remember, he doesn’t hate her.  It will come to a point when he has to make a decision.  Not because I need him to, but because he realizes that life is more than what he is being handed.  Marriage should not be like a dead end job, you stay because of fear of the unknown.  Sometimes you have to take the step forward, and remind yourself that you are worth it.  You get one life.  If you sit around and wait for something to happen, you will wait a lifetime. As my Ares says, do not be a lemming.

According to Urban Dictionary (I am saving a step by providing the definition as opposed to searching Google):

A member of a crowd with no originality or voice of his own. One who speaks or repeats only what he has been told

 

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