Recently I got a tattoo, Aphrodite, in Greek letters. Got it for myself, as I have received way too many proclamations of love over the last year. Its funny (not ha ha funny), that so many can easily tell me their feelings but the one I love, he cannot find the words, although he tells me it’s there.
I’m trying to figure this life out, where I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to be doing. It’s not easy. Ares said today as we were discussing our schedule for the day, even if we weren’t what we are, you’re a great workout partner. I said I think its too hard to define. He said we are a hot, steamy, sexual match. His words, not mine, but I don’t disagree. Is that really it? If you tell someone your fears, your wants, your desires; share your needs-emotionally and sexually; proclaim that they are your best friend, what is the definition? If it is too difficult to find words, if you are afraid to admit what you feel, does it render those feelings meaningless? If you know that it hurts the other person so deeply, is it right to continue? Or in my case, if I have allowed this type of behavior for so long, have I given a silent agreement for it to continue? Do I have a right to change my mind now and ask for more? I am not looking for anyone to change their situation. That is not fair of me, or anyone, to ask. I am looking for validation, to prove to myself that I am worth the effort of being with.