Happy or content?

The forever waiting game

I have loved three men in my short lifetime. The first, my husband, was just as first love should be, full of new experiences, growing up together, creating a family. These things which make relationships so exciting, also can be the death of them. Money, parental decisions, obligations, all create havoc, often the cause of love’s demise.

My surgeon was different. This love was new and spontaneous, the feelings he created were unlike any i had ever experienced. He touched something inside me that i never knew existed, woke up my soul from a deep slumber i wasnt aware that i was in. While this love was incomparable to the first, the devastation from its loss was also just as intense.

Now to my today love. It is different in as many ways as it is similar to the previous two. This man takes my breath away. The mere sight of him gives me goosebumps on the inside. He is kind and generous yet only the very few he lets in could ever know the depth of his compassion. Without saying anything, i can feel what he feels. However, he is not truly mine. There is fear in his heart which i am afraid will always be there. He is similar to me in that respect, so crippled with fear of the unknown that he remains status quo. He will either get tired of clandestine meetings and change his situation, or i will tire and change mine. How long does the forever waiting game take?

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