Happy or content?

Fake happy

I’m tired. I don’t feel like relationships should have to be a constant struggle. I get confused sometimes because i share, want to, need to.

I’m nervous though, letting my past issues dictate my future. The baggage from past relationships, the anxiety that at any moment, the bottom will fall out and I’ve opened myself back up to heartache.

I’m afraid. Afraid of the future that no one will promise me. Afraid that my choices of the past are catching up with me, and maybe, just maybe, I don’t deserve what I have put out there.

If someone loves you and wants to be with you, why is it so difficult to say. I’ve never asked for anything, would never expect it. I’m struggling. I took Paramore’s cue, fake happy. Don’t ask me how I’ve been, don’t make me play pretend.

Tonight there are no answers, just sorrow.

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