Happy or content?

Beat goes on

I’m not crazy but today, just today, this was added.  I tell myself enough to stop looking but curiosity, etc…

Lyrics
So restless
Gives me time to think
So much pressure
If you want to be
My girlfriend
‘Cause I’m on the rope
I don’t wanna hear you tell me you told me so
If it was me who fell in love
With you, someone who won’t be home
I feel so lonely just because
I want you all for my own
But if it don’t work it’s okay
‘Cause I’ll be here for you all day, baby
Ooh
But the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
She’s so alone
Scratch forward
I just want us to be alright
I hope she don’t let go
And then I cause her to think twice, whoa
If it was me who fell in love
Would you still want me, won’t be home
I feel so lonely just because
I want you all for my own
But if it don’t work it’s okay
‘Cause I’ll be here for you all day, baby
But the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes on, the beat goes on
The beat goes, the beat goes, the beat goes on
The beat goes, the beat goes, the beat goes on
The beat goes, the beat goes, the beat goes on
The beat goes, the beat goes, the beat goes on
Yeah the beat goes on and on
Yeah the beat goes on and on
Yeah the beat goes on and on
Yeah the beat goes on and on
Songwriters: Steve Lacy / Matt Martians
Beat Goes On lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
So after I read them, which is what I always do first, I think, ok, enough is enough.  Just text him.  So I did.
Me (1:38pm):  Well?
Dr (1:42pm):  Need a win
So I was surprised that I even got a response.  It was a shot in the dark. When people say they can hear their own heart beating, or it was beating out of their chest, I can now relate.  I started sweating, there were tears, and then I thought, ok, now what?
Me (1:43pm):  How can I help?  You know I will do anything you need.  for always, I am yours Pedro.
*Then of course silence.  Like absolutely nothing.  And then I got mad.  As the hours passed, it was worse because there was also sadness.
Me (8:09pm):  I should have asked what type of win.  Just assumed I had a little to do with it.  I am sorry for you.  I never want you to suffer.
*I realize that I fall right back into my old patterns but at least I recognize it.
Dr (8:28pm):  Oh no it’s all good-Arsenal playing Chelsea (soccer)
Me (8:29pm):  Ahhh.  And everything else?
Dr (8:32pm):  Good, thanks.
How big of an idiot am I?  He has certainly earned the title of selfish.  Not, “oh how are you, nice to hear from you.  Sorry I am a dick”.  I hate soccer.  Grrrr.  The grrr is to him and me.

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