Happy or content?

Summer Concerts-part 1

I have said in the past that my doctor loved music, it was his passion, aside from his children, and of course me.  He had plans to attend summer festivals, concerts series, was spontaneous about seeing local artists perform.  I loved to watch his face when he talked about the rhythm of a particular song, haw he listened for particular notes.

With the summer quickly approaching, we discussed vaca plans.  One of the long weekends (July 4th) was a blue grass festival with his family, including his wife, her sister, husband, kids.  This included all weekend camping, no showers, and non stop blue grass.  I didn’t feel like I was missing anything except time together.  I am not a camper.  I tried not worry about him being away because I knew where his heart was.  He told me often that these plans were made before me and he would not want to disappoint his children.  We spent a Nova day together before he left.

June 30…

Dr (8:44am):  Yo girl-garage basement 10am?

Me (8:44am):  Yes

all day together…

Me (5:58pm):  I’m sleepy now, miss my snuggle bunny

Dr (6:06pm):  Kisses!!

Me (9:39pm):  So good today, every part.  I love you.  Text me when you can.  Sweet dreams

I knew the weekend would be hard and long so I went away with my own family to DC for the weekend.  We connected over Instagram posts but no other contact otherwise.  When you can see the man you love hanging with his children and his wife, it takes a piece of you and crushes it.  I tried not to worry.

Its hard to be away with your husband, who has no interest in you.  You try to have fun with your children, or at least I did.  We did tourist stuff, saw monuments, rode the Metro, etc.  I had myself worked up the entire weekend, cried, I was an emotional wreck.  Sad for the man I had already lost but also for the man I felt was slipping through my fingers.

We got home on July 3rd, two days before he was scheduled home.

Me (10:44am):  Hello love, just checking in. heart emoji

Dr (11:01am):  Hi-I like the Instagram posts!  Girls looked like they had fun

Me (11:18am)  They did, we are home already.  Looks like you are having fun as well.  Miss you.

Dr (11:20am):  See you soon 🙂

July 5th…I was out of my mind, sad, worried, angry because I heard nothing from him.

Me (8:32pm):  Tell me you’re home and safe.

Dr (8:46pm):  Hi there yes rolled in tonight-gotta unpack, laundry, and prep for the call weekend-arrgh

Me (8:47pm):  K

Dr (8:48pm):  Office hours in the pm-when do you gym it?

Me (8:48pm):  I have flexibility.  I thought you had stuff in the afternoon

Dr (8:50pm):  Hours usually until 5:30-than later my monthly man date with some dudes at 7

Me (8:50pm):  ok

Dr (8:54pm):  I wanna hear about your trip tomorrow-text me when you roll in

Me (8:58pm):  ok

Me (9:23pm):  Sorry, I just missed you.  I will text you when I get there.  Sweet dreams

Dr (9:37pm):  Good night

Me (10:00pm):  Are you ok

Dr (10:05pm):  Yeah-just got in later than expected-needed to do some organizing, house cleaning/yard and always tough to re-gear up for work especially a long call weekend on deck-you ok?

Me (10:06pm):  Yes, just tired, long week.  I know texting isn’t your thing.  I was afraid you didn’t miss me back

Dr (10:07pm):  No cutie-I did-I wanna see you tomorrow and catch up, ok?

Me (10:08pm):  Yes, of course.  Sleep well.  heart emoji

Dr: (10:08pm):  You too koala (koala emoji)

Of course the next day was fine, like he was never gone.  It made me feel like I am a crazy person that overthinks everything.  We talked about one of the bands he introduced me and the fact that they would be coming to our city.  They had been around for a while but were playing a 3 day festival.  I should have expected that he knew but I was so excited when I saw it and couldn’t wait to tell him all about it. He was quick to tell me it was part of a series that he and his wife went to with friends, its already planned.  Fine, I pouted silently.

 

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