How do you know when to give up or when to wait for the impossible to happen. He promised he would never ignore me, would always be thinking of me. Its been three months since I even caught a glimpse. Just so you know, I have stopped looking. You would think that this would be a cause for celebration, that it would mean that I am healing. I like to believe that. I tell myself often. But if you still think of that someone everyday, for even a moment, how healthy do you think you really are?
Dr(10:33pm): Nighty night girl!! Less than 24 hours
Me (11:40am): Tee is perfection
*He gave me one of the $3 Hanes tees to have his smell, like on loan. When it would lose the scent, I would exchange it for the one he was wearing. I know how it sounds. I am embarrassed to even type it and share the info. He would leave smelling of my coconut and this was just something to get me through. I kept it in my gym bag but just knowing I had just a tiny piece of him was amazing in a pathetic sort of way.
Dr (11:42am): Ah glad you like it
Me (1:18pm): link for playlist
Dr (1:28pm): Hey girl thanks for the tunes-listening now while workin outside
Me (1:29pm): Me too. (heart emoji)
Me (5:02pm): Hows the studying?
Dr (5:11p): Argh-long!!
Me (5:45pm): Marathon interviews. I am sick of hearing my own voice.
Dr (5:52pm): I love hearing your voice
Me(5:58pm): I will tell you anything you want to hear
Me (7:07pm): Undergarments are the teeny tiny hankie
Dr (7:08pm): Yes-basically worthless, not worth wearing
Me (7:09pm): Yep, I will stop wearing then
Me (8:56pm): Less than 24 hours my love
Dr (9:20pm): Going to bed myself-good night darling!!
Me:(9:31pm): Love you
Me(8:19am): Good morning sweetheart. Doing another round of vanco and bloodwork. I feel fine, just looks not so great. I will keep you posted.
*Remember the spider bite. He was upset that I had not told him on Saturday that I had to go to the ER for IV meds.
Dr(8:20am): Oh jeez I’m sorry-ok keep me posted-that sucks
Me(9:34am): You are stuck with me. I am released, everything is fine, just addl antibiotics. And I can still work out so I will be in tonight
Dr(9:34am): Ok babe-sounds good
Dr(6:51pm): Ok all done-heading to the garage basement-you all good?
Me(9:29pm): I know I have told you before but you make me happy and smiley. I feel peaceful if that makes sense.
Dr(9:29pm): Yes lovey I get it too
As you may recall we had been chatting about the mess I needed to sort at my own house. I was cleaning things out in preparation to sell the house and continue to move forward with my separation.
Me(3:40pm): (Pictures of my backseat, totally empty) I have my car trunk gym locker emptied!
Dr(3:40pm): Wow you go girl-I wonder if we could fit back there? Hmm
Me(3:41pm): Yes, def something to try
Dr(9:21pm): Goodnight darling!!
Me(9:22pm): Goodnight love
Me (6:03pm): Hi. I just got to the hospital. Going to gym. Don’t break your focus. It would just be weird if I don’t at least check in.
Dr (6:11pm): Thanks-yes I have the big mop out and trying to see 5 new consults having just finished office hours-and the marathon continues.
Dr(6:12pm): Less than 24 hours
Me(9:08pm): Hope its better. Night sweetheart, love you
Dr(9:10pm): Goodnight cutie, just finishing up a level 1
Me(9:11pm): Ugh, xoxo
Dr(9:11pm): It’s all good
I knew of various pre-scheduled vacations that he had planned. We talked about them, they were opportunities to spend time with his children and his extended family. I was not worried as I knew what I had. We both had plans to go away with our respective spouses/children for the July 4th weekend. We were spending the Friday before at his parent’s home as the goodbye before the long holiday weekend.
Dr (8:44am): Yo-girl-garage basement 10am?
Me (8:44am): Yes
The day once again was perfect.
Me (5:58pm): I’m sleepy now, miss my snuggle bunny
Dr (6:06pm): Kisses!!
Me (9:39pm): So good today, every part. I love you. Text me when you can. Sweet dreams
July 4th, holiday weekend-no texts, just Instagram posts
Me (10:44am): Hello love, just checking in (heart emoji)
Dr (11:01am): Hi-I like the Instagram posts! Girls looked like they had fun.
Me (11:18am): They did, we are home already. We are meeting the guy in an hour. Looks like you are having fun as well. Miss you.
Dr (11:20am): See you soon 🙂
Me (8:32pm): Tell me your home and safe.
Dr (8:46pm): Hi there, yes rolled in tonight-gotta unpack, laundry, and prep for the call weekend-argh.
Me (8:47pm): K
Dr (8:48pm) Office hours in the pm-when do you gym it?
Its all the same from this point in the text. I’m tired.