Happy or content?

Just a dumb girl

Ok so all this being said, I fell in love last year.  My marriage had long been over but we were going through the motions, neither of us admitting the obvious.  I had taken to the gym as my addictive personality needed something to fill the time.  It was an easy fix, you can spend hours there, obsess over yourself, and throw on a pair of headphones…drowning out everyone around you.  This man, who I had noticed, did nothing for me.  He often would lift his $3 Hanes tee shirt to wipe the sweat from his face.  He was just a guy, not ripped, nothing that would stand out in a crowd, but there was something.  I generally hate people so I easily ignored him and everyone else in that gym.  Perfecting the fuck off face, I gave daggers through my eyes whenever anyone attempted to chat me up.  He was persistent.  I can still see myself hastily pulling the earbuds out as he attempted to talk, “what did you say” was always the line muttered in complete disdain.  He was sweet, just wanted to say hi, said he often sees me at the gym and felt funny not at least acknowledging my presence.  I should have seen it then, but I am a dumb girl when it comes right down to it.

It is so cliché to meet at the gym.  It was innocent, we would agree to meet to workout in sync around the same time.  We would talk, two married friends, with no interest in anything beyond friendship.  We stood at the weight rack chatting about things we did with our respective spouses over the weekend and then I leaned in.  It was a something I will second guess forever.  It was the smell, always the fucking smell.  I was hooked.  It was not cologne, that is not his style, it was just him.  Even now, I can remember how I breathed in and I could feel all of him inside me, taking over every sense of who I was.  That is not something you just shake off.  It was still weeks of clever banter, ignoring the attraction.  For goodness sake, we were both married.  I admitted that my husband and I were friends, but not much else and he eventually came forward with the issues that he and his own wife were having.  She was no longer in love with him and was trying to figure out what she wanted.  I went on vacation, he continued to pursue, texting me out of the blue just to talk.  He made it a point to come and work out on his days off, did I mention that the gym was in the hospital where we both worked?

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